“Can’t blame a girl for trying…”

Dimming lights shown through the port window in Commander Shepard’s personal cabin; she was sat at her desk looking over paperwork. While she sat there, she dwelt on those were lost already from the Reapers and this war going on. Mordin, the Turian Matriarch’s son and many other soldiers fighting on the ground. All Shepard could think about was that she felt like a failure to Earth, Palaven, and now Thessia. The weight of death tolls pounded through her head like a hammer on a nail, giving her a massive headache as she finished the paperwork before her. Maybe walking around The Normandy would cheer her spirits up, or talking to her boyfriend Garrus. So, the commander rose from her chair, and exited her cabin with a sigh from her mouth; days will be better after this war is over and done, she thought.


“Shepard? You doing alright?” Garrus asked, whilst leaning on a nearby wall.

Shepard walked over to the Turian, and caressed him in a passionate embrace; she then began to sob into his shoulder, digging her head near his neck. Garrus embraced back, holding his commander tightly to his body, and wiping her tears away. The Turian knew just how she felt; the weight of the world on her shoulders, people always depending on her, yeah it sucks. Shepard needed some down time, or sleep or even a vacation. Something that would ease the rough thoughts away…

“Calm down… I have you, don’t cry Shepard.” Garrus reassured her.

“Thank you, Garrus. You always have the right things to say…” Shepard forced a smile.

Garrus shrugs. He does what he can for his commander, his girlfriend, his love. The Turian doesn’t like seeing Shepard in hurt, it makes him hurt with her. With all that has gone on, Shepard hasn’t slept well, or have a good time; she feels that she can’t do either. Maybe that time has come, and Garrus knew just how to clear those rough thoughts.

“EDI, tell Joker to plot a destination to the Citadel. The commander and I are gonna have some down time.” Garrus smiled.

“Yes, Mr. Vakarian.” EDI responded.

Shepard smiled, and then let go of the Turian. She was feeling a tad bit better now that Garrus issued an ‘official day off’ so these rough thoughts could escape the very mind she has been trapped in since this war has begun.

“Thanks again, Vakarian.” Shepard smiled.

“Anything for my commander. Oh speaking of anything, Liara won’t leave her cabin…could you go speak to her?” Garrus asked kindly.

“I’ll see what I can do.” Shepard nodded.

The commander said her farewells to the Turian, and left the Main Battery compartment. From there she walked over to Liara T’Soni’s cabin, hoping she is alright after the loss of Thessia.

“Liara? You in there?” Shepard asked, knocking on the metal door.

Liara is curled up in a ball, weeping into a pillow after the mission was officially over; the loss of her own home was enough to say that the Reapers were truly monsters. The Asari no longer have a home to go to, they no longer have a place to take their children to when they mature. Thessia is now nothing but a planet of ashes and ruin…

“Can I come in?” Shepard asked.

“Yes, please come in…” Liara answered softly.

Shepard opened the door, to see the doctor lying on her bed, shedding tears and looking over recent paper work about the ShadowBroker. She looks up at the commander, still with tears formed in her eyes and tried to force a smile.

“Thessia is gone, because of me, Shepard.” Liara sighed.

“No, that’s not true, Liara. Don’t believe that…” Shepard laid a hand on her shoulder.

“It is not your fault, it’s mine. I failed Thessia, not you. Thessia didn’t need to go down like that, especially if it was mainly Kai Leong’s fault!” Shepard exclaimed.

Liara lightened up more, but she was still sad and hurt that her home world went down without a fight. Even if The Normandy had the right firepower, it still wouldn’t of helped Thessia or the inhabitants on it. Shepard felt more of a failure than she ever did now after talking to Liara.

“I’m sorry commander. I didn’t mean to make you feel worse about yourself.” Liara apologized.

Shepard got up from sitting on Liara’s bed, and started to leave; she can’t handle this anymore. These thoughts of all these people she failed and not one of them were saved…not one.


Peace and quiet. That’s what Shepard could hear as she leaned over the balcony of the Citadel. It was nice for a change, to not be shot at, eaten alive by husks or doing paper work; just peace and quiet. Kaiden Alenko was watching the commander enjoying the peace, he was pleased that she could get out and breathe a little during this war.

“Hey, Shepard. You feeling better?” Alenko asked.

“Did, Garrus send you to ask if I was okay? Because just so you know, I’m fine.” Shepard sassed.

“Actually he didn’t send me, I came on my own accord. You had me pretty worried there after, Thessia, commander.” Alenko forced a smile.

Is that what everyone is saying about me? That their worried about me!? Shepard turned to face the major, and smiled a fake smile to hide the pain. Of all people she wanted to talk to, Kaiden was not one of them. She cared for him yes, but he bugged her…a lot.

“Kaiden, I just…want to be alone right now…please.” Shepard sighed.

“Alright, commander. I’ll leave you alone.” Alenko sighed and walked away.

As the major left, Garrus Vakarian came up from behind and wrapped his arms around the commander’s waist. He laid his head on her shoulder and looked out across the lovely horizon from the Citadel balcony.

“You feeling any better, Shepard?” Garrus asked.

“Yes and no…” Shepard sighed.

Garrus hugged her; he wanted to make all the hurt go away,but he can’t and that made him feel useless. The commander has been under a lot of pressure lately, and all Garrus could do was give her encouragement.

“Garrus I feel like a failure! I watched innocent people die in my name, what does that tell you? I know what it does for me, it means I failed my mission.” Shepard started to cry.

“Shepard, not everyone was born perfect. I wasn’t and neither were you. We lost people and planets to the Reapers, dwelling on that isn’t going to solve this war.” Garrus stated.

Shepard nodded. The Turian was right, dwelling on these rough thoughts wasn’t going to help win this war. But still…she felt like a failure, people died. She hoped that when this was all over, she could sit and rest these thoughts off once and for all.

Quote is from SG-1. Jack O’Niell at his best 🙂


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