“A weekend? What is a weekend?”

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Sometimes, us teenagers get into this slump where we don’t want to talk to anyone or see anyone. We mope around our homes feeling horrific about ourselves and everything in it. That’s called: Depression. Like I’ve probably said before in previous posts, depression is like a rain cloud that follows you everywhere when you feel like garbage. The cloud darkens your life, and your left with despair in your heart and mind. Depression can hurt you and your relationships. Once you get into this deep depression, you feel like you’ve failed and no one can help you out of the pit you dug yourself.

When it comes to exiting the depression room, you have to take the courage to speak to people again. Not talking to anyone or not fellowshipping with at least a few friends, only leaves you more depressed. Feeling down on yourself or whatever is bothering you, shouldn’t keep you from friends and more importantly God. Being depressed leaves you empty inside without joy in your heart. You have sudden breakdowns of sadness, anger and confusion; you end up taking in the fact that your messed up in the head.

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God says He can take away all of that sadness, anger and confusion, giving us a clean slate to start over again. Even when we deal with depression, we can still find happiness through God and His Word. I have depression off and on, but I try my best to look on the bright side of things and seek God. Life maybe rough, and stuff will happen but God is always there to guide us, pick us up and direct us in the right way when the rain cloud is following us. Not everyday is an Eeyore day and not everyday is a Pooh Bear day.

Depression sucks and it hurts a lot, but you have friends and family who love you and going through such darkness is wrong. God loves you enough that living in depression shouldn’t be your main opportunity to life, it should be your opportunity to draw closer to God! I know it has helped me more and more each day, and I’m thankful for that. So, although I sound rather lame and cliche about this subject, I want my friends to know (mainly a certain one, you know who you are) that depression only kills the life you make. You only make it worse if you wallow in it each day. Go do something to make your life a light shining in that darkness, because you do only live once…

Quote is from Downton Abbey

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Angst Post…

For the past few days, I’ve caught myself crying off and on. Sometimes for little things but mainly one big thing that has been on my mind. Today, while assisting my mother with making food for Thanksgiving, I broke down and cried. I feel angry, confused and sad that yet again I have to heal from something for another year or two. The people I met and bonded with were amazing, but sometimes things to always last forever. Putting that problem aside for a moment; I don’t normally cry, I keep it hidden very well and after a couple of days it comes out in heaps of angst and sadness. I realize that isn’t healthy and it can give you ulcers, but I don’t like showing people how petty I look when I break down from certain things that happen in my life, whether they be good or bad. It kinda puts a bad light on me. So, when I said that I caught myself crying today, that’s a rarity for me. But for once, this little crying moment actually meant something to me, it was for all the things that I’ve built up inside about this whole disbanding thing.

Specific things like that take me a while to process and it has come down to this day where I am very emotional and depressed about such event. IT BOTHERS ME, OKAY!! I have to yell it out to the void!! I don’t want this to happen to me again!! I already have enough stuff on my plate to worry about, like my best friend blocking us out for a while and now this! I don’t need this, not now, not when I was feel a whole lot better about my well being. I’ve been praying that this wasn’t happening, but alas, God whispered to me and said, “I’m sorry my child, it’s happening.” Am I accepting such words very well? No. Am I going to be okay with this change in my life? No. But, I am going to learn and pray that I can heal from it and hope to find a new church body to be part of soon.

I don’t want to say goodbye, but just like Captain America did in First Avenger, we all have to say our goodbyes now and then. Sorry if this post seems very angsty and angry, I’m having a rough few days processing this whole thing still… So I apologize if this post has sounded mean and forthcoming…

To My Church Family

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For the past three or four years that I have attended Crossbridge I found a place where I can be comfortable with adults and learn to get to know other human beings outside of my normal circle of friends. In the end, I did make new friends and my negative feelings towards going to church had stopped. But the one thing that I will surely miss the most is the fellowship, the people that ran the church. Paul Crichton and Wade Thomas put their effort in to make this church work the best to their own ability, and they did. Although it may have not lasted as long as they wanted to, but the pastors brought families together and brought the word of God to whoever needed it in their lives. Without these men (not trying to sound like I’m idolizing these guys), without their families to back them up, the church wouldn’t have gathered the families that attended the services every Sunday or Wednesday evening.

I’m glad, God put these men in charge of this church. They are inspiring men to both my family and the other families that have been going to that church. Yes, it’s coming to an end, but someone reminded me that we’ll all be together again in Heaven someday. But we should still praise Him, even though we won’t be worshiping in church anymore. Just because we aren’t going to be in a building every Sunday, shouldn’t mean we stop worshiping and praising God. No. We continue to read our bible and praying no matter what happens. As I come to a close on this post, I wanted to thank everyone that I’ve met over the years.

Thank you Wade and Sarah for being great friends. The both of you have been amazing at getting to know me and my family since you joined Crossbridge. I enjoyed our small talks after church whether they be spiritual related or not. The advice you’ve given me from God’s word has helped even when I feel down. Sarah and I have gotten to be good friends over the years and I am glad she and I could hangout with the kids. Though the church is disbanding, our friendship still remains solid. You two have fit in well with our little church planet and I’m glad we had the chance to get to know you. Again, thanks for being their for me and for my family, it has meant a lot to us.

Thank you Jason, Franklin and Katrina. The three of you have been amazing friends to me and my siblings. Although we may be young and not very wise in our years, your friendship has gotten to know you every Sunday and  Wednesday. Having friends like you has been a blast! Talking about movies, shows and how God has worked in our lives is one of the moments I and my siblings shall miss the most. I appreciate the three of you making us your friends and enjoying our strange geek rambled we have before and after church. Thank you guys for everything!

Paul, Kristen and kids. You’re the nicest and uplifting family I have ever met. Your family have been there for us through the hardships and little things in life. Between Sweet Wednesday and offering assistance if needed, is one of things we never got at our old church. My siblings and I have grown to love your kids; we’ll miss them a lot. Thank you Crichton’s for being a great family and also a great pastor.

I know the last day of church is a few days away, but I didn’t want you guys to see me cry in front of you as we leave Crossbridge forever. My heart will always be for the people who were in that building no matter where we all end up next. I will surely miss you all, and I’ll probably be messed up for a few weeks until we find a new church… But, God is good and I know he’ll provide us a new place to be part of soon.

Thank you to all the members that have been inspiring and helpful to me personally and my family… All of you are such amazing people, and hate to see all of you leave…

Samantha Runge

“Bust my buffers!” {Update}

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~Started watching OUAT again…

~Junior turns 1 tomorrow ❤

~Finished my fifth chapter of my Star Wars fic.

~Last Man Standing marathon with the family 🙂

~My church body…

~Star Wars themed coffee creamer ❤ (Thanks Dad)

~My amazing friends!! Olivia, Elizabeth, Jessica, Robbie, Josh, Abby, Lizzy, Lydia, Ryan and Alan ❤

~Coffee…

~Soul Calibur V rounds with my brothers and sis.

~Blue Bloods

~Watched Bicentennial Man with my family last night. I cried almost throughout the whole movie…

~Listening to Twenty-One Pilots while writing

~Funny conversations with my friend Zoe

~Percy earning his keep in the house

~Watching El Dorado with Bekah

~Thankful for my pastors: Paul Critchon and Wade Thomas 🙂

~Listening to K-Love during the week

Quote is from Thomas the Tank Engine. Junior has been watching is a lot so I’ve kinda been watching it too.

 

 

A Little Blurb

Its very easy to forget horrible things in life, when your with best friends. But then you realize that people that you’ve spent every Sunday morning with, worshipping God and fellowshipping with is coming to a drastic end. Suddenly it isn’t a dream that you thought it was, its truly happening.

We build up things in life, so we can forget about the truly worst stuff. Like a death in the family, people moving away etc. If any of these things happen, we focus our mind on other things so the thought of whatever happens can be forgotten forever and its just a dream. But unfortunately, certain stuff in our lives happen for a reason. We have no clue what for, but we know that whatever God has for us we shouldn’t focus our thoughts on something else.

Change isn’t very good for some. So when God decides to moves things around in our lives, things change and we are left with figuring a way out of the change that is going to occur. There is no escape plan from God’s plan. We’re stuck in His plan for us, not in our own. Ya see, that is why we need to face the fact that bad things will happen whether or not it will be going down in flames… All I am saying is this: Don’t let your focus be on material things, but in Christ Alone. Because once we put our focus on things that are not of God, we tend to forget what happens all around us. Then we end up loosing that focus.

I have to admit, that I do focus on the things that are not what God has for me. Honestly, I totally forgot that my church was disbanding until I entered the building on Sunday. So, I lost my focus on the people God put in my life because I have had such a negative feelings about the situation as a whole. I was blinded by hatred and sadness that my focus and my hurt went to something that wasn’t God, but rather to myself and to other people.

I go back to this song: In Christ Alone, my hope is found. Firm through the toughest drought and storm. We should never, ever loose those words when we face and forget things that happen in our lives. Instead we need to put our focus in Christ, and realize that He is in control and has a plan for our lives…

{By the way, I am a emotional mess, but God has my back everyday. Thanks for reading!}

“Great, kid. Don’t get cocky!”

#SeniorDating - You're not the only one. On-Screen Couples Who Have ZERO Chemistry #refinery29:

So once again, I come bringing fanfiction from the Star Wars realm. In this chapter we see Anakin and Sanar getting more along and slowly falling for one another. Yes, Padme and Anakin are suppose to be together, but in my opinion, their relationship is kinda childish, so I wrote up a new romance for Anakin to fall for than a senator who is like three times his age.

Sight Seeing

Hope you like it as much as I enjoyed writing it 🙂

Quote is from A New Hope.

“I’m the Police Commissioner, I know everything.”

Jamie

Wednesday night, while my father, brothers and I sat around our church family, I reluctantly told my pastor I want to join law enforcement. His face was rather shocked at my words, and proceeded to ask me why I wanted to do such a thing. I began saying that with the hate crime against the police shooting African Americans for no reason is so big right now, and the lack of respect towards the police is so slim. So, I told my pastor that the reason I want to join law enforcement, mainly K-9 Unit, is because people need to see that cops aren’t evil people and decide to shoot ‘black’ people for no reason. They need to see how they really do their job; not to kill people who are unarmed, but to protect the public from harm. That is my main purpose for becoming a cop/K-9 Unit. Although, whenever I mention the fact that I wish to pursue such a career, I get backlash about being shot and not surviving being out on tour. Well, that doesn’t stop our military from doing their job, and their getting shot 24/7 each day a week, why should that stop me from being a cop? Because the government is corrupt? Yes. Because the Black Lives Matter hate group will probably hate me or worse try to kill me? Yes. Honestly though, why should I care about what a hate group says or what the President of the United States says? Christ is on my side, and I know He’ll protect me from harm against whoever.

My other reason that I was unable to tell my pastor, and to whoever was listening that Wednesday night, was a spectacular show called Blue Bloods. Unfortunately, the show is fiction, but the portrayal of the police and detectives gave me the idea to take the career of law enforcement. Why? If you ever sit and watch how Danny Regan, Jamie Regan and Frank Regan handle situations in the NYPD, then you’ll understand why I want to be part of law enforcement. It may, for some, sound stupid that I want to become a cop, because of a crime show. But to be honest, it isn’t really about the show itself, it’s the respect, the honor and sacrifice that these cops take everyday. It’s about putting your needs aside for a moment and looking to help others when possible. So, that is why I am publicly telling you my readers about my decision to become a cop/K-9 Unit’ not because I was three years  old and always wanted to become one. No it’s about show others that there needs to be cops that show respect, honor, humility and most of all Our Lord. Because if you take all that away, the shield, the collars and the uniform, your just a sinful man or woman… Without Christ in our life, we’re just those punks on the street. But if we have Christ, then being a cop wont be that hard, now would it. Think about it…

Quote is from Blue Bloods.