I arrived at Bible Study, with my brothers and father this evening feeling good and happy about life. Then mention of something horrible that’s happening came up at the end, and I turned away to cry. You’re probably wondering why I was crying and what made me switch my emotions like that so fast. Well it’s because the church that I’ve been attending for three years now, is disbanding at the end of this month. I will no longer be able to interact with the people that I’ve gotten to know of those past three years, nor will I ever see them again because some are moving farther away and some might attend new churches. While my father and brothers sat there as my pastor talks about other members of the church finding new flocks to join, I’m sitting there in my chair angry, angry that this is happening again but on different terms. I, and my brothers would say the same thing, cannot say goodbye to people again, cannot.
Its like leaving a piece of your heart in a building full of people, and then watching them all walk over it as they exit the building forever. It hurts, and it bothers me that I’m gonna have to go through a healing process again after this disbandment happens. I achieved so much negativity in my life, so much bitterness from the previous church, that I’ve stopped trusting certain people…period. Plus I’ve become slightly negative about events in my life that it shows others (mainly my family) that I don’t find joy in things anymore, only hatred and peril. So, when I sat there discussing Nehemiah 9:32-37, enjoying time with people close in age with me, thoughts of negativity ran throughout my head. “You’ll never see them again, and they don’t care whatsoever if they do see you again,” type of thoughts.
Why should I be angry? You know what I don’t know anymore… I am more sad and disappointed to see the people in my church body leave and never be seen again. But then again were all going to be joined together in the sanctity of Christ before He comes again, and that should be the most greatest treasure to behold. So, my church my be disbanding and I’m never going to see any of these people ever again, but at least Christ gave me a new feeling about attending church service again and being in church period… I will miss CrossBridge dearly.
Quote is from Batman Begins