Just another band aid

aesthetic 18

You hide the deepest parts of you. Your emotions, your creativity and your worth. You hide it behind a fake smile, insecurities and messages to friends. A single band aid covers up the scars that were created from the past, things you don’t want to see repeated. The fear of ripping that band aid off your tanned flesh haunts you every living moment you wake up. Sheer horror binds you from things you want to become but just can’t seem to make the steps to jump. That band aid needs to be pulled off so you can live a life worth waiting for; instead it continues to bleed in pain. You hate yourself for doing nothing, for giving up and not even trying. You’re a lost cause, a failure, a voice in the wind. Pain from the past has bandaged you from head to toe. You don’t want to get too close and you don’t want to get to far.

A band aid has covered up your heart, keeping the most treasured part of you from shattering into a billion pieces. You’ve put the necessary walls up, to keep certain people out so you don’t have to add another band aid to that collection. Voices inside your head tell you to move on get over it; rip that pathetic band aid off. But you know that ripping that band aid off will really hurt; it will hurt your skin but eventually your pride and your heart. You’ve gone for years to protect everything you worked on; emotions, self worth, everything.

You can hid behind just another band aid or another wall or another lie, but what you can’t hide from is God. He is everywhere, and He watches your every move. That band aid that covers up the pain and the scars; He is there to heal that for you, not to continue to cover it up with another band aid over and over. You can rip it off and not feel like the whole world is glaring  at you around each and every corner you come to in life. No more darkness, no more depression, no more hurt. Just another band aid? How about a little more faith and a lot more prayer. It can go a long way…

But he was pierced for our transgressions;
    he was crushed for our iniquities;
upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,
    and with his wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:3

Aesthetic 19

 

Change

Aesthetic 16

You’re sitting in the dark, alone with tears forming in your eyes. People all around you are changing. Lives, personalities and the world. Among all the noise of people, you sit in your daily routine life that your made. It makes living feel like a bubble; a bubble of fear. The bubble you live in cannot be punctured because you won’t let anyone inside it. You’re too quiet, too paranoid to feel anything again. There’s a difference between the friends you made and yourself. They don’t understand you, so they ignore whatever spills from your mouth. So, depression comes. Change can be good and bad. It leads you into a constant state of fear. Fear that someone you dearly love will get up from the very chair they sit in, and leave without a trace.

Take in the moments that make you feel like change isn’t rushing you into a new life. Those small things that tend to put a smile on your face while darkness fills your life. Remember that bubble? Well it will slowly shrink with you inside, engulfing you in the natural normalcy of life itself. Then you feel like you have no life at all. Change doesn’t have to be a bad thing, it only is if you make it out to be. You watch people becoming different before your very eyes, then you look at your own life and think ‘Did I do something wrong?’ ‘What can I do to make myself better?’ You can pray. You can meditate on God’s word more and more.

As you sit in the dark, alone on your bed, you look around admiring everything on your wall. You realize your life isn’t over yet, even if you think it is. They’re maybe days you think everyone hates you because nothing you’ve done is an accomplishment and no one is proud of you. But at least, as you sulk over your miseries, God shows you the way and His plan. Change can be scary, stressful and full of emotions. It will just take time to get use to the new things in life.

Aesthetic 17

Angels are Meant to Fly

Aesthetic 14

Angels are meant to fly

To shine like the sun

But this poor angel has broken ans bruised wings

From the wrong things she’s done

Doubt has consumed her

Darkness has blinded her

Now she’s lost all control

In the midst of strife

She saw the light

The one You carried into her heart

She was so lost

Like a wandering soul

Til You found her

Kneeling down before You

Angels are meant to fly

To shine like the sun

But this poor angel has broken and bruised wings

From the wrong thing she’s done

Fear has led her astray

While loneliness killed her

Now she’s down on the ground ready to die

In the midst of strife

She had saw the light

The one You carried into her heart

She was so lost

Like a wandering soul

Now the old self is gone

The new one has come

Aesthetic 15

Two in one

Aesthetic 13

A firm hand touches the cold brass doorknob. It turns ever so slightly and the creaky wooden door opens wide. Inside you see two men; one from your beloved childhood, and the other you now hate. The all so sudden urge to jump into the childhood man’s arms strikes you over the head. You want to run to him, but are too afraid to do it.

The second man stands there in front of you with heavy set eyes and arms stretched out wide for you. He wants your love, but doesn’t know how to ask for it. Soon the men merge into one single man. You stop and stare at the man you once loved, looked up to and enjoyed long talks with. He’s different now and all alone…

What do you do when someone you thought you loved so dearly all your life disappears and never comes back? Grabbing the doorknob with tears streaming down, you close the wooden door behind you and walk away to never return again.

(journal entry 5-13-16)