Family Matters

I grew up with a great family. Extended, church and current family. But my childhood memories always goes back to when my brothers and I were with my grandparents. When I was a child, I lived in Coral Springs, Florida with my parents, Josh and Nick. I was probably five or six years old, Josh was three and Nick was two. Though we were young, the three of us could never forget how much fun we’d had visiting our grandparents everyday. My grandparents lived in this nice suburban home at the time, that was backed up to a canal with iguanas, muscovy ducks and canal fish that lived in it. When you walked into the house, the hallway opened up to this huge open room; first room you saw was the living room that was connected to the dinning room. The ceiling was extremely high and very hard to ever get a balloon back down from it. Trust me, I know.

In the next room was the living room. This room was where I would watch old movies with my grandma, as I help her snap green beans or eat popcorn. The couch sat up against the wall, and the TV stand was on the other side of the room with two bookshelves on each side. On these bookshelves were pictures of all my extended family members that I did or didn’t know at the time. Some of my Uncle Wayne, some of my Aunt Dee as a child in high-school and some were of my parents. Next to the living room was the kitchen, with the coolest bar that light up with green lights. In the kitchen there was this wooden table with four chairs that went around it. Every morning when I or one of my brothers would wake up, there be my grandpa reading his paper and eating a bagel or two with his favorite cream cheese or butter. It was a peaceful sight to see him eating and calmed down before the busy day started.

The kitchen is where all my grandma’s greatest and not so greatest meals were prepared at. She use to make shelled mac and cheese for us, salmon and of course…lima beans. But even still we ate everything she made for us, because if we didn’t; then, we’d sit there all night until we finished our food. In the next few rooms was my grandpa’s office, another bathroom and the guest bedroom where my Aunt lived before she married her husband Dave. My grandpa’s office is where I spent most of my time, because I loved being around my grandpa. He would tell me about his favorite classic muscle cars, goof around with me as I played on the computer and have me sit on his lap while I drew on his desk papers. This is how and why I love muscle cars so much, is because of my grandpa’s influence on me.

Across the hallway from the guest bedroom was Pop Pop’s room, when he was alive at the time. I never went in there, so I don’t fully remember what it looked like. All I remember was Pop had a daily routine and that’s probably where I got that idea to do one myself. Next to Pop Pop’s room was my grandparent’s room. If you ever wanted to know how neat and tidy my grandpa was before he got sick, just look at his side of the room. Everything was organized, dust-free and stacked neatly; even his side of the bathroom was clean all the time. My grandma’s side was neat as well, but it didn’t top grandpa’s neatness.

Back then, being with my grandparents wasn’t so bad, because I was a child. Unfortunately, my grandpa was a heavy drinker and he did yell all the time when he was drunk, but I forgive him for that. I forgive my grandma for things she did to me an my brothers as well. Like making us sit and watch TBN with her in the mornings or spanking us with wooden spoons. Our childhood was great with them. We fished in the canal, we hunted for knolls in the open patio and shed and went grocery shopping to Publix. All these memories of this house and my grandparents will never leave me, even if and when my grandpa passes. My brothers and I will always remember the times we spent with them in Coral Springs, and how we grew up with them. I honestly want that time back, so I can see my grandpa and grandma happy again, before everyone passed away and before we moved away.

It’s hard being fourteen hours away and not being able to hug your grandpa and grandma; sit down and tell them all the things they missed over the years and how much they you missed them being in your life. Now, your grandpa is very sick, and only has a certain amount of time to live until he passes. Our grandpa may of not been the greatest person, but I and my brothers learned a lot from him. If only God could turn back time, and I could be in his office again playing on that computer, or rough housing with my brothers in the second living room. Just anything to bring back my grandpa again would be nice. But alas, time has passed away from those great memories, and I am now twenty-two years old, Josh is twenty and Nick is seventeen. We’re not the children that spent time with our grandparents anymore, we’re all grown-up and live in a different state and lives.

Josh and I got to see our grandpa and grandma two weeks ago, but I fear that isn’t enough since my grandparents have been out of our lives for so long. They forgot who we were, and what we do with our lives now. Same goes with my aunt and my uncle. We’ve been away from them, disconnected from them, that they forgot us. Being with all of them for just a week didn’t really help; I wanted more time to being with my family. But, we had other obligations back home to deal with. So, I hope, one day, we can all go to Florida and be with my family before it’s too late. Because I don’t want to waste time to be with my family ever again.


Damaged are the Damaged, while the Fixed are the Fixed

We all have those people in our lives that grew close to us; then, turn around and trample on our friendships, our relationships and our loyalty. These people pretended that they wanted you, but turned around and spat in your face. They tell you that they’re committed to anything, respect your religion, and adore your family, but speak evil against you behind your back.

These people are damaged, damaging to your spirit, your walk of faith. Everyone once in a while they appear just to clear the air with you, and then they just disappear again cursing your name. But what they curse is not just your name and the person behind it, but everything else in between. God says you must fix your eyes upon Him, and less on the things that damage you.

Get rid of the people that harm you, let go, escape their grasp. If you remove them from your lives then your life will be better. If you focus on Christ; look to Him, then your life will be better. No longer should you feel the weight of their lives on your shoulders; because that’s what causes you to feel distressed, burdened and sorrowful. These damaged people, these broken people never cared for you, nor did they want to be around you.

These people rather be around people who are like them, damaged, broken and corrupt. They seek out others that are them, and pursue to be just like them. That’s why I urge those who are in a group of friends that don’t appreciate you, cause drama, and associate themselves with damaged people. Leave them. Don’t look back.

The reason Jesus disliked the Pharisees, because they were damaged and lured His people away from Him. The reason Moses and God were mad at Aaron, because he lead the Hebrews away from God. God ends up dealing with those who causes others to stumble, or damage them.

“You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak.” Matthew 12:34-36

So as much as we want to end those damaging people’s lives, its not our place. All we can do is pray that they seek God, or turn from their wicked ways. You can still love them and respect them as Christ instructs us to do so, but being around them will only cause you to stumble.

Remember who your real friends are… Not the ones who damage you. Damaged are the damaged, while the fixed are the fixed.

The true friends will stay forever

Through past experiences, having friends has been extremely hard for me and my siblings. Sometimes they leave and then come back; while in other times they leave and never return. There are friends out there that promise to stay forever until the end of time, but that’s not how it usually works. God places people in our lives for a reason, a reason no one can truly understand without God revealing it to us. If you have friends who leave, let them leave. If you have friends who stay, then do your best to keep them around. Friends will leave, but its the true ones that will stay by your side forever.

I’ve come to realize who my true friends are, and who aren’t. Its not the ones who lie to my face, its not the ones who ignore me, and its not the ones who spread hate about me. Its the ones who care for me, stay by my side and help me grow in Christ. Friends in Christ, or just friends in general. Not everyone is gonna be there when you fall, and not everyone is going to care. But its the ones who stay forever that understand their worth in all of this. It takes a lot to be a friend, to walk in someone else’s shoes, but if you just stick around maybe you’ll see how hard it truly is for some people.

Causing drama, and making people feel bad isn’t what real true friends do. All it does it makes you look like the villain, and less like the hero. A friends purpose is to be there for them, not tearing them down, not lying to them and certainly not blocking them out. But I guess that’s what happens when friends you’ve know for years decide its okay to destroy each other for the pleasure of one individual. Surrounding yourself with the wrong people hurts not only yourself but others as well. That is why I, and my brothers have decided to take a step back from the people who loved us and cared for us, until they grow up and figure out which people aren’t faking to be their friends; then, see who are the real ones that stay forever.

God has blessed not only myself, but my brothers, my sister and my parents with great friends over the past few months and year Its those people that choose to stay by you, help you grow in Christ and want to truly know you as a whole. This isn’t a call out post or asking you to be better, I am just vocalizing that true friends stick around and non-true friends disappear into the abyss. So, if you want myself or my other family members as your friends, then take the initiative to interact with them and not ignore them and disappear. Because that’s what true friends do. I am done with the fake friends, and the friends bee your friends for a certain amount of years and then cling to others because they’re ‘good people’. But guess what, you won’t gain friends like that, just followers and minions.

So, trust me when I say, if your a true friend you’ll stick around forever. But if you’re not, well then; I guess where not friends anymore. Abandon me and my siblings if you will, but I am not gonna be your friend if you decide to spit hatred and evil in my face. Because, that not what true friends do, nor that’s not what Christians do.


To the Guys {Men}

Listen gentlemen, and listen well. I don’t like fakers. Guys who act all nice and sweet to you, then turn against you with a flip of a coin. I would like a guy who is respectful, willing to listen to me, a Christian and loves my family. I’m done with guys disappearing on me, and lying to me. I’m done trying to put myself out there but getting nothing but creepy men who only want young woman as objects. God didn’t prepare my heart for the creepy ones, He prepared me for the faithful ones.

Though I work in a place where there are creepy men, but every once in a while I get half decent men that are kind, gentle and somewhat trustworthy. But then again, those men can turn out to be creepy too. So, to the men out there, stop being a creeper! Women of God don’t want men hitting on them because of what they look like; you should be hitting on them because of their passion for Christ and His church. Trust me it makes a difference when you’re a real believer in Christ and find a nice girl you want to start a relationship with. Because being fake doesn’t get you anywhere, it only gets your phone number deleted and blocked forever.

In future, if you approach me, and are not ready to start a courtship (not dating), meet my family, walk with Christ, and follow the rules; then, think twice before asking for my number or asking me out. Because my father watches over me and guess what? He has a gun, an alibi and pigs that he isn’t afraid to use on any guy wanting to poach on his daughter.

Get it off my chest

I’m not beautiful

I’m not strong

I’m not amazing

I’m not always sure

Then there was you

A man above it all

You died for me

Save me from my pain

A victim of heresy

But you showed them The Way

I grew up clinging to your words

Voicing them like a song bird

Now I am strong

Now I am beautiful

Now I am amazing

Still not always sure

Get this off my chest

Project it to the lost

God’s grace save us

Not works at all

No more scratching to save it all

No more death to end it all

A cross rose from Golgotha

You just need to learn to crawl

Get this off my chest

Project it to the lost

God’s grace save us

Not works at all

Now I am beautiful

Now I am strong

Now I am amazing

But still not sure

Does He still love me

While I suffer and die

Even in the valley of the shadow

Death cannot take me

He leads us not into temptation

He gathers up our fears

Nails them to the cross

And brings us to tears

Get this off my chest

Project it to the lost

God’s grace save us

Not works at all

Now I am beautiful

Now I am strong

Now I am amazing

God has made me sure enough.

Love is Hard to Obtain


Love is hard to obtain, whether its through friendship or through a future spouse. No sheer amount of healing can help you with that. From time to time, real love shows up in that strangest ways and the strangest of people. But its God that shows you who or what they truly are.

Love is hard to obtain. Whether it’s overnight or not, you can never understand how someone can love you forever. But it happens anyways because it’s God’s will. Prayer is the best way to receive such a thing that’s invisible to see.

Love is hard to obtain. There are people out there that have never experienced such a thing, and there are people who have. Not all will love you for you and not all will care. But God does all the time.

Love is hard to obtain. When people are broken and refuse to reach out, they lost all hope for themselves. No passion is there, no love exists. Its just a dark cloud covering the abyss.

Love is hard to obtain. Though you feel alone, trapped in a corner. There are people out there that will truly love you. Open up, get to know them. Love them and pray with them.

Love is never hard to obtain. Without faith in God, love is hard, but with God all things are possible. No struggling to love people, no eagerness to reach out. Just an eased mind, that is ready to jump out.

Forget the urge to love that special someone this holiday or any day for that matter, how about loving the ones you’d never thought you’d love before. The people sitting right next to you, or the people in the store or work. Blocking them out and giving up, won’t help you obtain love. Its never hard to obtain it, just look at God’s Son.

 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?”  And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  This is the great and first commandment.  And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:36-39

Rely on God

There’s that frown again, covering up the hurt inside. There’s no joy, no drive to fight. You’re sad, broken and depressed. That special moment in time slipped through your hands like sand. Now it’s just you and your hurt. Why dwell on such anxiety? Such depression that aches your heart? The agony one faces only grows and hurts worse as time goes on. Whilst the pain, the depression and anger that hangs over you like a rain cloud; Christ jumps in and wipes that all away. He replaces your joyless life, with a delight for Him, a thirst you’ve been needing to run to from the hurt. Reach out, grab the Lord’s hand, be secure in His arms and His word; that’s where you’re safest at. Life is tough, but so are you. Trials are there for us to pull through; then, rely on God.

Many hurt, many want to run, many want to hide it and move on. But how does that help you in the end? Do you sleep better at night, do you treat others right? How do you live with that? You can’t that’s the point. Once the hurt is done, there is no more joy, and you dwell on it for eternity. It doesn’t help, it doesn’t work, you get stuck in this routine where everything is the worst. God is there, He fights your battles. He raises you up on the wings of eagles, while the hurt finally dissipates. No more drama, depression and anxiety. Just Lord and you, no more fighting. Whatever you’re going through, whatever happens, don’t rely on yourself to fix it.

Its all the things, whether the bad or good that’s what helps us draw near to God, and fall on our faces. Stop relying on yourself and what others can do; start relying on what God can do. Have that hurt healed and the thirst quenched. Open up more, and let people in. No more silence, but more words. Welcome back healing from the one who truly cares.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. Romans 8:21