You’re Not One of Us


You’re made to believe the if you pursue your greatest dreams they’ll come true. You’re made to believe that once you’ve become a Christian that nothing bad will ever happen to you, ever. You’re made to believe that once Christ enters into your life, you’re fully protected by folly and hate. For years you believed that, and now you’ve hit a place in your life that you can’t seem to climb out of. But even as you sit in such a dark hole, there is still a ‘I am a Christian’ label stuck to your body. How are you still labeled a Christian if you’re in a dark place doing dark things in your life and to others? How does anything you do or say even reflect Christ? Guess it doesn’t, I guess that means you’re not one of us.

You’ve read the Bible through in through, but never truly applied it to your life. You’ve stopped attending church and listening to your pastor. You’ve drowned out what your parents have taught you and ignore God’s. For years you have been doing this and nothing has seemed to change. So you’re stuck in the mud with no way to get out, except to cry out to the one you shut out. But He can’t hear your cries because you spent years ignoring His words. You begin to drown in the mud pit of self doubt and bitterness; all you have to do is listen to Him so He can save you. Guess that means you can’t hear, I guess that means you’re not one of us.

Enough of this bondage and self loathing. Break free from such darkness. But you can’t by yourself, that’s not how it works here. You can’t save yourself from your own sin, from your own darkness. Only He can, if you just listen to what He says. You can be one of us; the ones who bring light unto that darkness and share God’s word with one another. Stop believing that you can somehow loose your Christian label, and step away from God. You can still be one of us, you can still at least try.

“For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.”  Romans 8:29-30


Please Understand Them

Having a mental illness is hard to control, because most of the time it controls us. You shake, worry, ponder and get physically sick over the smallest yet biggest things that tend to happen. Explaining how you react to things and how your mind works to others is hard, because they don’t quite understand them. Even the slightest misconception throws someone with a mental illness into overload and they think everyone in the world hates them even if they didn’t do anything specific. All you ask is for understanding and respect as you struggle through those illnesses. 

Please understand them. You personally may not understand them, but if you try hard enough, you can. Seeing if there is anything you can do to make something less of a punishment to them or an embarrassment; then step up and do so. A mental illness causes the person to think their not good enough for anyone, and once they have failed at something they think everyone will judge them for just that. Furthermore a mental illness makes someone self conscious about their body and how other people view them and their clothing. Please understand them. If you don’t want to take the time to care and understand someone who has a mental illness then you’re going to be a waste of time for them. 

God made all these people with mental illnesses very unique, and sometimes those people don’t value their uniqueness. But like a lot of people who struggle with these mental illnesses like: anxiety, depression, and self-conscious etc. There is always a way to face these struggles everyday; the Bible and prayer. Praying to have peace to overcome you each time you project mental struggles and reading God’s word to make you feel at ease with yourself. 

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:1-4

“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him.” James 1:12

Please understand them. You can gain great friends even if they struggle with their own mental illnesses. All you must do is ask them if their okay and if they need anything. Because you may think their okay on the outside but on the inside their screaming for help not only for you but for God as well. Healing from something like a mental illnesses may take a long time or maybe never, but if you’re there to understand and help than you can make the hurt and suffering subsides. 

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance.” Roman 1:1-3

Please just understand them. Please care for them. Please pray for them. Please just be friends with them. Please love them for who they are. It’ll go a long way…

Shades of grey and black

Shades of grey and black come in many different ways. They show in your clothes but also in your life. You can say you’re a joyful person, but that’s probably just a lie. Shades of grey and black pop up out of know where. Tearing down your smile and good times every which way you think. You tell yourself it’s just a phase, but is it really? Shades of grey and black cause others to look down upon you. They’ll start to think that there might be something wrong with you. You have said that it doesn’t bother you, but that honestly isn’t the truth. Shades of grey and black paint your heart in a bad light. Though it may seem bright, its really not. You’ve convinced yourself that there is nothing wrong with you, but that’s not what everyone else sees.

 These shades of grey and black come in many different ways. They appear in your struggles, they appear in your life, they appear even when your perfectly fine. These shades of grey and black shouldn’t control you, or grip your soul tightly. You should learn to let go of whatever bothers you and give it up to the one who knows everything. Those shades of grey and black aren’t in control of your life, God is. He can erase and wash those colors out, and paint you a new shade of joy.

Shades of grey and black come in different ways. No longer should they hold you, no longer should they stay. You are beautiful and worth every cent. Shades of grey and black are just colors. They do not define others. You have your own color God has painted you with. Shades of grey and black can’t affect you. Your walk with Christ is guarded by a big wall. Shades of grey and black are now just mere specks. You can forget and forgive it. Shades and grey and black no longer exist. Thanks be to Our God, for giving us a great gift. We’re no longer slaves to fear, because we are the children of the God Almighty. 

I need reassurance (To my friends)


It’s raining and you just came home from an eight hour work day. You’re exhausted and really want to talk to your friends. The cellphone that usually resides in your left back pocket sits on the dresser with no new notifications. Obviously you haven’t been texting anyone since you were at work all day. You pick up your phone and begin a text message for your best friend. Before you send it and sudden question pops in your head: Am I going to annoy them? Once you answer the question, you end up deleted the recent message you just typed out and lock the phone placing it back down on the dresser once again.

The feeling of loneliness has almost consumed you. You’re friends have their own friends and you’re just there in the corner waiting to see if they still no you exist in their world still. A lot has happened; someone who was introduced to your friends basically took control of them and lied and continues to lie while you have to pick up the pieces afterwards. What you need is reassurance that your friends, the friends you’ve known for almost three years, will stick by your side no matter what happens and they’ll be there to support you even still.


Friends, I need you. I need to hear that you’re still my friends and that you won’t leave me and my siblings sides no matter what goes on. I want to hear from you that whatever you hear, see and associate with that your loyalty remains the same. As I write this, I shudder in fear that I will eventually loose all of you for good, and probably never see you ever again. You all know I fight with anxiety and depression; these two mental issues had caused me to push you all away due to the recent event that has happened with my brother and the lair that is his ex-girlfriend. Now, you can push me away and think I am crazy because I haven’t let this go, but when someone¬† who enters our group and lies that’s when I can’t stay silent.

I will not stand by this time and watch everyone I care about disappear before my eyes as things unfold and become truth. Seriously friends, I am very scared… I need reassurance and so does my brothers. Though we’ve been busy with college, school and work, that shouldn’t mean you can’t contact us every once in awhile.¬† My love for you guys is immense and loosing you all would kill me, so please reassure me and my brothers that you’re truly our friends no matter what happens. We’ve been through a lot, I think we can get through this rough spot too.

Don’t be afraid to contact me or my brothers. I don’t care how awkward it is. Contact us…I am serious, guys. Don’t be strangers.

A purpose

Aesthetic 12

Every waking moment, every single hour, there is always an on set of wondering if you have a purpose in this life. The very thought bothers you that you have no clue what you’re doing with your life and if what you’re doing is right. You have friends, family and a God who loves you, but does this feeling still grow inside you? So far you’ve done great things; going to school and singing God’s praise. But how come when you see others everyday, you feel this way. God made you unique and special in His eyes, you just need to realize that you’re are who you are. In the eyes of the world you’re seen as an outcast, but in the eyes of The Lord you’re seen as His child.

There is a purpose for the air that you breathe, and the smile that you give. You need to understand that it takes a little at a time for it to fully bloom into what you want it to be. Remember God is there to hold your hand when you fall, and pick you back up on your feet. It may not be easy, and there will be people that hurt you but God is bigger than them and is willing to scorn them. So enough worrying about how great you’ll do in this life, so far you’ve done great in the eyes of the one cares. No more thoughts haunting your mind, no more tragic memories to keep you from taking the next step.

You, child of the one true King, have a purpose. A purpose only He knows about, all you have to is show others that purpose can shine through those grey clouds. Your flowers will bloom and you’ll see God’s purpose for you soon. Don’t fret about failing or loosing a chance to someone you love them. You still have a purpose to continue on.

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

It takes a while

A single event in your life that has already passed, it erupts in the back of your mind. It angers you, makes you upset and causes you to have random out burst of shouting. You’ve been told to forget about it and move on, but that single event can’t seem to heal over like a scab on your knee. The hurt remains, the anger remains, the memories remain. Sweeping the dust under the rug won’t change what has been done. It takes a while for you to heal, to process, to continue you on your way. It takes a while for that single event that bothers you so badly to leave the presence of your mind so you can’t think about it anymore. 

So, what do you do? You close yourself off from your friends because you don’t want to sound biased. You stop writing stories because you can’t think anymore. You stop talking because the words you say won’t matter anymore. That’s what you you do. Then you get depressed, lonely and eventually sad in the end, but it’s for the best right? 

Understand that it takes a while for you to process, to heal from, to cope with that single event. No one may not fully see that, or want to understand. But you have Christ to lean on, and if you’re not leaning on Him then you’re choking on anger and frustration. Because that one event has bothered you so much that it’s like a trigger for you. Its not your fault that this single event happened, stop blaming it on yourself, stop turning over every word spoken in your head. Nothing can be done now. So why does it still anger and hurt you? Is it because it feels similar to a past event? An event that took a while to heal from; yes it sure does.

You’re going to get hurt; things will change people will change. The sky will fall and beauty fades, but all His love will still remain. Its just going to take a while to heal and process all that is going on; others need to realize that too. Its not going to happen over night nor in a few days… Its a long process… One that requires prayer and falling before God each day. Remember you’re human and you have flaws; you’re not perfect. Its gonna take a while, okay.

Liking the wrong men


There is always a list somewhere in a notebook or even a Bible of what your future spouse is meant to be. This said list contains little things such as: good with kids, great kisser, puts up with me etc. But don’t you think that maybe you’re liking the wrong men? You see, liking men who are all great and a bag of chips maybe dandy and peachy, but what about a guy whose soul purpose is being thirsty for Christ everyday, and spends time reading His word. ‘Unless a guy has a heart for God, he shouldn’t be after mine’ is a quote that is taped to my wall near my door. I always pause to read those words before I leave my house, but I guess I never truly reflected on that until now. When we like the wrong men, we’re practically liking them for all the wrong reasons. I mean, yeah the guy can be very attractive and what not, but how will he serve a future family? How will he approach your father to ask him permission to marry you? Did everything on your little list prepare you for all of that?

A list isn’t going to bring a “perfect man” to your door step with a bouquet of roses. You can’t simply check off every attribute each guy has, it’s like hunting for a needle in a hay stack. Also the whole ‘I have a type’ isn’t going to get you anywhere either. (Trust me when I say this.) You can have a certain stereotypical imagined up in your head: Hipster, Goth, Cowboy etc. But seriously, will our knight in shinning armor really appear like that to us? Or is that only in the dreams we have? I can like the nerdy guys day and night, but it’s not going to get me anywhere if the guy isn’t searching after God each day.

Sometimes the shows we watch can give us a skewed look on what should be. The majority of the men you see on shows are hot middle aged men who date a few times, but never stay with someone. Seriously? But then you switch over to Disney, and you get jocks who are cute but stupid with an excellent sense of fashion. What? Do you see my point here. It’s like society has painted men from ages 16-21 as extremely attractive, yet utterly immature for their age. Ladies, we don’t need those type of men in our life. Like the quote says above, ‘Unless a guy has a heart for God, he shouldn’t be after mine’. A godly man is the right man to like instead of waiting around to decide whether or not you truly like some guy you’ve been either talking to or you just met. Before throwing your heart into a guy, ask yourself this one question first, “Is his heart after God daily?” Then after you ask yourself that question, pray until God answers your prayer. If its God’s will, it will happen.