Cawing of a Crow

Crows love attention drawn to themselves and they enjoy collecting objects as prizes. Prideful and selfish are what crows can be and so that’s what’s you two are.

Opinions people have of me don’t really matter. But what does matter to me is that you view me in such a way that is not Christ-like at all. Your view of me is just a speck of sand on a beach; one in a million. Words can be spread around about how I’ve done this and I do that, but in all reality, do you really know me? Do you? Because believing such harsh and untrue things about me won’t plead your case. All it will do is make others look at you as though you’re evil, conniving and disrespectful.

Making me come to terms with the fact it’s all my fault, I have hurt you and abused you won’t help others believe you. Because there’s plenty of humans who derive from my circle that can see who you truly are. Someone who covers up the truth, speaks poorly of your parents, and runs to anyone who will follow your lead. All Narcissists want is for it to be about them, but become afraid when backed into a corner. They start projecting their faults on others so they can’t look bad; too bad, you already do.

Stop thinking that it’s all my fault,because it’s not. Clearly your view on this matter only comes from one source. I reached out to you because I thought you would help, turns out you made matters worse by spewing things about me to others and the person I am married to. You don’t know me very well or at all to be saying such things about me. It’s things like this that make me silent around you and when you call. Because you always sound negative and you always sound ready to fight.

Cawing like a crow in a field is what both of you are. Make sure people pay attention to you two because you don’t get enough attention else where. You have to cause drama and you have to make issues. I cannot deal with people like you, nor put up with it any further. If you truly care about this situation, change, fix it, stay out of it. Whatever you believe God can do for you and for this, listen to Him. Don’t bend an ear to someone who whines about how they are getting abused.

Yes I used abuse because I will make swift accusations about it. I HAVE BEEN ABUSED. No and ifs or buts about it. I got married to someone who lied to my family, spoke poorly of his family and then disrespected me for an entire year. Guess what, now you know all the skeletons are out of the closet. You can’t run away from them now; they have been exposed. People want to know ever intricate detail about this situation, so be it.

Don’t come calling to me about this post because it’s my words, my feelings and my thoughts. It’s my first amendment right to write whatever I want. You don’t tell what to say, feel or think. No one does except God Almighty. I’m done playing the controlling games and the mind games. Stop treating me badly, stop talking bad about me, stop working your way into my heart with falsehoods and words.

Crows want attention. That’s all you want… So guess what, I’m not giving you the attention you seek. It’s all the same thing over and over and it’s petty. Circles are what vultures do in the sky, and that’s not what you are. You two are like cawing crows… Just stop. Knock it off. Don’t be like children or cawing crows.

✨Coram Deo✨

Suffocating

Have you ever watched a moth drown in water? They spin around until they suffocate from intaking so much water all at once and then they just die. That is how I feel; I’m the moth in the water slowly spinning around trying to escape from suffocating in the water.

Want to know what life looks like behind the scenes? How grey clouds block out memories, people and conversations? You work so hard to be the best you can be for Christ, but those days turn into battles that just don’t seem to stop coming and coming. The feeling of running around in circles is like a moth trapped in water; slowly spinning to fly out, but it only ends up suffocating on the water. Once its dead it floats with the currents and all that remains is the empty body of the moth.

Its sickening when you communicate your needs, boundaries and feelings only to be trampled over or used for selfish gain. The body is a temple for The Lord, but it slowly feels like its become just a husk of wheat blowing in the wind on a autumn day. Words don’t work against pride, selfishness and pleasure; they go unheard and misused against you. Its truly confusing when loving a human being becomes harder with just a few passing moments because all you see is heart ache and hurt. Suffocating, isn’t it? Like a moth in the water… Drowning. Dying.

Anger plagues us all when you cannot achieve what we want in life; whether its pleasure, personal gain or happiness. So what happens when those points in our lives don’t go our way? We manipulate them to reach those goals and to make ourselves feel better, while others are drowning in sorrow and darkness. No light to fly to when the moth is already suffocating in the water below. Its slowly dying with no where to go and no where to run to. Abandonment isn’t really the issue here, its more like pride, fear and conviction.

Others who know you realize you aren’t safe and are becoming someone they don’t know anymore; a sad soul with no more joy left in them. A husk of grey clouds and darkness because someone crushed their confidence, their thoughts and their love. All this moth wanted was light, warmth and to feel happy, but got confusion, heartache and fatigue. They are suffocating, drowning and dying to someone who doesn’t listen, confuses them and hurts them. But who cares, right? Its not actually bad…right? They’ll be okay, right? Just extend grace over and over again…right? Forgive them seventy time sever, right?

There is so much this moth can take… Sooner or later they’ll reach to a point where forgiving isn’t an option, neither is extending grace or being okay. None of this is okay, none. How would you feel if you were suffocating, drowning and dying? It leaves you numb and empty inside; you want to give up, but you can’t because there’s nothing in this that says you can give up and walk away… Just grace, grace, God’s grace…

I’m this moth…suffocating; spinning in circles over and over again with no escape. Only drowning and that’s basically it.

Coram Deo